with robert hannibal, i have realized something similar. i used to only be able to picture marriage if it was an open marriage, meaning i could date girls on the side and we could have orgies and threesomes. my relationship with “dan” in the philippines was only that, and i was willing to marry him if i had to because i'd be able to have a marriage in the only way i could possibly picture it. plus, i thought his kids were gorgeous and so smart and so adorable. but i could only picture a marriage with me having girls and orgies and threesomes.
but meeting robert hannibal has changed that. i feel so much more fulfilled when we are alone together. i love sex with him alone more than i like having another girl or other people alone. i realize that if i had a choice, i would choose to only have sex with robert hannibal for the rest of my life. i would give up women.
i've never had an orgasm with him, but i enjoy sex so much with him. if we were married to each other, there would be plenty of time for us to work on that together, but as it is, i really don't feel i need it. i just love being with him so much. this is such new thought for me. never would i have thought this before.
but of course he's married with two kids and i want him to have a monogamous relationship with his wife - once i'm done.
so [sister], i am so old and it has taken me this long to come to the realization, and i'm not even ready to fully make the commitment yet to prepare to go to the temple because i still want to be with robert hannibal more and i still want to go to more swinging parties, and i still want to make more money having sex.
so with you, make the goal of where you want to be. and try for it. i hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me to realize where you want to be.