Saturday, July 23, 2011

Men I’ve Met by Working at Onie’s Club – Feb. 2, 2011

There is such a wide variety of men at Onie’s club, in terms of race, class, finances.  Often there are men on business trips, who know they’ll never see us again. Robert Hannibal frequently remarks on the number of white men he sees at Onie’s – when he used to attend Onie’s a few years ago, it was mostly black men who attended.

Every night there is at least one who is handsome and intelligent, and I usually try to spend most of my time with the handsome ones. As long as I am busy, I am “keeping the room moving,” which is what Onie wants us to do.

I love when I can get into political discussions with the customers also. Politics and religion are my favorite subjects, and since I tend to be conservative in my beliefs, at least compared to people in NYC, I enjoy the opportunity to engage in these conversations, regardless of where people stand on the issues.

“PR,” the promoter, tells me I talk too much, that the customers are here to ‘f—k,’ but I tell PR that they also enjoy good conversation, which I am happy to provide. PR always tells the guys I’ll “talk” their “ear off,” but the guys like it. I would continue these conversations outside the club, even.

However, if we want to exchange contact info with any of the customers, we have to be discreet. Onie had a talk with us girls about not taking any guys’ contact information and meeting them away from the club. When we do that, it takes money from Onie’s pocket.

It’s different from my hostess dancing job in college. In that job, it was expected that you exchanged contact information with your customers. Sexual acts were not technically allowed at the club, though we all did them there, but it was more encouraged that sexual acts be done off-premise.

Also, in that job, it was good to spend a long time with a guy because that gave us more “minutes,” and we had to earn a certain number of minutes each week or we could get suspended. The club manager paid us according to the minutes we earned, and our customers tipped us equal in value to our minutes, sometimes more, depending on what we did physically and sexually with them.

The more I talked with my customers at my hostess dancing job, the more minutes I earned and the longer I prolonged having to do anything physical with them. So I learned that talking for a long time and then getting into the sexual acts later was the best way to maximize the money.

At Onie’s club, Onie pays us when the night is over, and our pay depends on how many girls are on the payroll that night and how many guys total showed up.

When I’m with a good-looking guy at Onie’s club, I like to have him spend as much time with me as possible because then I don’t have to be with the other guys as much, but Onie wants us to spend time with as many guys as possible. However, I often let the other girls pick up the slack, especially since they will do hand jobs and blow jobs, and I won’t do that.

But I do try to treat each guy with respect, even the ones I don’t think are as intelligent or as good-looking as someone I would normally want to spend time with.

But the guys say I am the most sought-after, and it appears to be true, because they will often wait in line for me. As I said, in my opinion, Gia is prettier than I am, but more guys try to get with me than with her.  Also, I don’t mean to brag, but there is something about me that makes sex with me so great without my having to do anything or exert any effort (and I am fundamentally lazy).   I guess it’s because I’m so tight down there, since I haven’t had any children.

I am just as tight as I was during my hostess dancing days, even though that was so long ago, and when men orgasm with me, they usually say it is one of the most intense orgasms they’ve ever had. I don’t know why this is the case, other than that I’m tight down there, because I don’t do anything. Of course, they could also be lying.

However, because of this, I do get men at Onie’s who fall for me quite easily, and there are a few I have exchanged contact information with. One guy, “Van,” is a black man who really fell in love with me. He calls me a “rock star” and says he will do anything for me.

I gave him my email address and afterwards, he emailed me and wanted to take me to lunch or dinner. I told him I was too busy with work and school and preparing to move because my roommates and I had to move to a new apartment. He told me he had a van and that he would take the day off whenever I had to move so he could help me move to the new place.

Another guy, “New,” was an Indian who lived in New Jersey, and immediately asked if I would be his girlfriend. He wasn’t the handsome dark-skinned Indian I had always imagined myself marrying. He had light skin but he was nice-looking and tall.

He also worked in finance, and I figured he might be someone who could afford to take me to “One Leg Up” parties and “Do You Know George?” parties.

However, I did not like sex with him. He kept wanting me to bite him and I hate putting my mouth against any part of a man, whether it’s their face or their chest. But after working at Onie’s club, I let New take me to dinner, and then I went home with him to Jersey. I was really hopeful he could take me to the “One Leg Up” and “DYKG” parties.

Now, “New” is a nice guy; I’m not just attracted to him and I don’t like sex with him and I don’t feel we have that much to talk about. But he offered to help me move as well, since he has a car.

When I had to move into our new apartment, Van helped me move the entire day, loading my things into his van and making the several necessary trips. He was so helpful and kind, and I was so impressed that he had given up an entire day, not to mention the cost of gas in driving his van, just to help me move. He had only met me once at Onie’s. Van is really a nice person.

“New” helped me move in the evening with his car, and he was very good at fitting the rest of my stuff in his car. He was also great about helping me clean out my old room.

I think my roommate was a little jealous because here I had two guys helping me move for free, one who gave up his entire day and one who gave up his entire night, and she had to hire movers and had no one to help her.

After New and I finished moving my stuff, I let him have sex with me, of course, but the whole time I kept thinking about Robert Hannibal! I love sex with Robert Hannibal, only with him!

But New is a nice guy and I did appreciate his help. He showed up again at Onie’s club a few days later and brought a friend with him.

After New left Onie’s, a good-looking Brazilian guy showed up. This Brazilian is someone who would be considered very sexy by most girls, and he spent all his time with me.

He was only in NYC for a week, so I knew he wasn’t an option to take me to “One Leg Up” parties, but I enjoyed his company. He was so nice because he waited for me to get off work at Onie’s (the smart, good-looking guys can always figure out that I’m getting paid for this).

Then he rode the subway with me all the way home uptown to my apartment. This was very kind of him, because I live far north, in the Heights, and then he had to go all the way back downtown.

I didn’t invite him to spend the night, but perhaps I should have, since he rode all the way with me, but I have a regular day job and I needed to be up at a decent time. Plus, he hadn’t done anything for me that I felt deserved extra sex. But I had a nice time with him at Onie’s club and I had fun riding the subway home with him.

I have met many nice guys at Onie’s, but I am particularly glad that I met two guys were helped me move for free. Moving is stressful, and the fact that I had such great help to move is due only to my work at Onie’s. Most of the men I’ve met thus far at Onie’s have been very nice.

5th Date with Robert Hannibal – January 27, 2011 (written Feb. 2, 2011)

On January 13, 2011, I wrote about how much I love Robert Hannibal and I talked about our different “dates.” I thought writing about him would help purge him from me, but I still thought and think about him constantly.

PR, the promoter at Onie’s club, had arranged for me to go to one of his customer’s homes the night of Friday, January 14, 2011, and this guy would pay me the same amount I normally get at Onie’s just to be with him (Onie didn’t know, of course; he doesn’t like us seeing the customers outside of his club).

As I was preparing to meet this customer, I just felt sick and wished I could be with Robert Hannibal. I started thinking how when I have sex with any other guy I need to get paid, or I need to have another woman there, or at least get dinner out of it, to make it worth it.

But with Robert Hannibal, I am happy just to be with him and I don’t need anything other than him! But I also know that he has a wife and kids, and he only sees his time with me as his way to have sexual adventure. I want to make sure I am always the one he thinks of when he wants sexual adventure.

Robert Hannibal had said on Wednesday the 12th after our sensual massage date that he might be able to go out Saturday the 15th. I hadn’t heard from him, so I sent him an email and poured out my thoughts and wishes.

I didn’t hold back - almost, anyway. I asked him to let me know about Saturday and reminded him, referring to my contract deadline, that “i have only 2 1/2 months left to swing or to be with girls or with guys or to even make money.”

Then I told him not to go back to Onie’s club because he doesn’t pay us enough and that the twins and I wanted to make our own money.

Lastly, I said: “i thought about the main things i want to do before i have to stop with it all – I don't want to look back and i don't want to have any regrets: 1) the bi night at the club where it's an all-girl orgy with pretty girls; 2) ‘the one leg up’ party; 3) a 'do you know george' party; 4) tantra session; 5) attend all the different swing clubs in nyc.

“i know you don't have an obligation or responsibility to me but i've latched on to you and i want to maximize my swinging experience only with you. usually i don't like taking married men away from their families too much but since i'm on limited time i'm being more selfish.”

I couched my language in terms of the exciting sexual adventures I wanted to have before my contract was up, but really I was telling him I loved him. I didn’t care as much about doing all those things as I did about being with him.

Yes, it would be nice to experience a classy swing party, but I really only wanted to be with Robert Hannibal. Since he was married, I could only see him when he wanted to go to a swing club, so I just had to make sure I was the one he chose when he wanted to go to places like that.

I checked my email on my iPhone continually, aching for him to respond. My friends were planning on having a movie night Saturday night, but I would abandon those plans if Robert Hannibal was able to go out.

Finally, he emailed me at 3:15pm on Saturday, the 15th: “Hey [Polly]; unable to get away this weekend.”

Of course not - he has a wife and kids. I wish I didn’t love him but I can’t help it – I am just so in love with him. I want to spend every minute with him but I also don’t want to take him away from his family. I want an alternate universe where I could be with him all the time.

I didn’t email him back, and I didn’t hear from him again until he suddenly emailed me on Wednesday, January 26, 2011: “This last week has been hectic. Things are a little crazy at the moment. I don't know if realistically I can facilitate everything on your ambitious wish list. Weekends are nigh impossible. If you find someone you're comfortable with for something like one leg up, go for it. I'm happy to accompany you whenever I'm free, otherwise.

“Any interest in checking out bi night in Brooklyn tomorrow? The club opens at 9 pm.”

I was so happy to hear from him again! It had been so long! I love the way he words things – I memorized that email.

I emailed him in response that I knew my wish list was ambitious but it’s better “to aim high than to aim low.” I also told him “of course” I would want to go to the bi club, but I was worried there might not be as much of a crowd due to the snow. We had had a snowstorm, but the truth was I didn’t care about a crowd. All I cared about was seeing Robert Hannibal.

But I wanted to respect the fact that he was married. I had been somewhat open in the past in saying that I would go to Onie’s only if he was there, but once I knew for sure that he was married, I felt bad saying things like that. The only person who should be so intent on seeing him, the only person who should love him is his wife.

It is one thing for me to have sex with him – if he is going to have sex with someone who is not his wife, then it might as well be me. But if I told him that I only wanted to see him and I didn’t care what we did as long as we were together, I thought it would be too emotional and would be disrespectful to his wife.

I also worried that he might get scared that I was too attached to him, and he might try to find someone else. As much as I thought he enjoyed being with me sexually, I knew he was only taking me to these places so he could explore his own sexual fantasies, since his wife didn’t want to go to those places anymore. I wanted to keep being the woman he would choose to go to these places with.

I knew he didn’t love me, but I hoped he almost loved me. I wanted him to love his wife, but I also wanted to be the second choice.

We ultimately decided we would go to the bi club another night when it wasn’t snowing, so on Thursday, January 27, we went back to Trapeze, the location of our first “date.”

When we were in the locker room changing into our towels, Robert Hannibal told me about his brother, and how they are so different. Robert Hannibal is the responsible one, the one with a good job (he works in finance), a wife and kids. His brother is more free-spirited, I guess. This just makes me love Robert Hannibal even more!

After we changed, we kept going upstairs, then back around, looking for couples, but of course I wasn’t going to find anyone I was attracted to, not when Robert Hannibal was next to me.

Since it was a Thursday night and there was a lot of snow, there were not as many couples as the last time we went. I was so glad. That increased the chances that I could have Robert Hannibal to myself and wouldn’t have to share him with another woman or put up with another man myself.

Finally, Robert Hannibal and I ended up in the large downstairs room with mirrors on the walls and ceiling. He had us watch a couple where the man was rolling himself over the woman’s head and body. Robert Hannibal said he thought it was sexy, but I said I didn’t like that the man’s package was touching the woman’s hair; I thought it was disgusting.

Robert Hannibal just said, “It’s not your thing.” I love that he gets that about me. So many guys have not understood how disgusting I think their package is, how ugly and what a turn-off it is, how I don’t want to touch it and definitely not kiss it or suck it. The times I have done those things I have always felt so sick.

But Robert Hannibal gets it. At our first “date” at Trapeze, on Dec. 3, 2010, I told him I don’t go down on guys or give hand jobs, and he said, “I know.” He had observed me from the first night he met me at Onie’s club and knew that I didn’t like to touch men down there. He has never asked me to. I love him so much.

As we lay next to each other, me in his arms, I asked him if he would go back to Onie’s, and he said, probably not and that if he did, Kayla wouldn’t leave him alone and would want to keep him all to herself. I said, “I would do the same thing.” That’s the closest I could get to telling him how I feel about him. I feel too guilty to actually say the words that I love him.

Then we began kissing and having sex. He moved me in different positions, and ended up laying on top of my back and holding my right leg straight up against my side. I’ve always been very flexible and it doesn’t bother me to get moved around in different ways.

In my hostess dancing work in college, although I was much younger, I’m just as flexible now as I was back then. However, even if I wasn’t flexible, Robert Hannibal can move me anywhere and my body obeys willingly.

After we finished, Robert Hannibal told me we had “sexual chemistry.” Other men have told me this, but they were all wrong. They may have had sexual chemistry with me, but I had none with them.

But this time it was true. I have such sexual chemistry with Robert Hannibal. I love being with him so much. I still didn’t come or orgasm, but I don’t need to. I just love love love being with him.

I recalled the first night that we met, on Nov. 2, 2010, my first night of work at Onie’s club, and how we had sex twice, and both times were amazing. After the first time, he asked me if I was a Sagittarius or some other sign (I can’t remember), and when I said I was a Sagittarius, he said his best lovers were all either Sagittarius or whatever the other sign was.

That same night, my first night of work at Onie’s club and the first night I met Robert Hannibal, after the second time we had sex, another guy was going down on me, and he ended up with a condom in his mouth. Robert Hannibal realized that it was his condom, that it had come off during sex, and he looked at me intently and told me to let him know if anything happens.

I told him I wouldn’t get pregnant, so that wasn’t a problem, but I asked him if he was clean, because I was clean, and he answered that he was.

I have usually been careful, but there have been times in the past I didn’t use a condom, and I have had occasional pregnancy scares. The interesting thing is that I was never scared about the possibility of getting pregnant per se, but about getting pregnant by whoever the guy was.

I have never been able to imagine wanting to get pregnant unless by a dark-skinned guy who was smart, handsome, funny, and most importantly, a guy I genuinely liked and one who I enjoyed sex with, so that I could say the baby was conceived in love. I had never had sex with anyone who I wouldn’t mind getting pregnant by.

But my first night meeting Robert Hannibal, I knew that if by chance I got pregnant by him, I would want to keep the baby. I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but he was the very first guy that I would want a baby with.

Now, here we were on our fifth date, and I thought about those events the first night we met. I thought how lucky his wife was to have children with him. To have him come home to her every night. To be able to share a bed with him. To be able to see him every single day. How I wanted that for myself with him!

But Robert Hannibal wasn’t content to bask as long in post-coital bliss as I was. He took me upstairs to find some couples, but I just wanted to go home now that I’d gotten to have sex with the best lover in the whole world.

He had us go in all the rooms and most of the couples were older. None were attractive to me. But I didn’t want to upset him and I wanted to still be the woman he would choose to take to these places, so I tried to go along.

In one room, there was an older couple, probably in their 50’s or 60’s, amidst a few other couples. The man started going down on me and the woman and Robert Hannibal started kissing. Seeing him kiss this woman, this older, unattractive woman, on the lips, was too much for me. I pulled away from the man and ran downstairs.

Robert Hannibal followed me and asked me if I was okay, and I told him I really don’t like being with people who are so much older. I couldn’t tell him how much it bothered me, and hurt me, to see him kiss another woman. I could handle it when he touched their bodies, but kissing them was altogether too intimate and I couldn’t handle it.

It wasn’t just that I was jealous seeing him kiss another woman - though that was the main part - it was that if he was going to be with a woman who wasn’t his wife, she should be attractive. I felt like it was okay for him to be with me, because I am attractive. But to be with older, unattractive women is insulting not only to me but also to his wife.

I realized as much as I was intrigued by the classy swinger’s parties like “One Leg Up” and “Do You Know George?”, I didn’t want to go to those with Robert Hannibal. I wanted to enjoy the spectacle of such parties and be with tons of women, but if I was with Robert Hannibal, I wouldn’t enjoy myself at the parties because I would only want to be with him and I would get jealous of any other women he would be with.

I decided I should meet someone at Onie’s club who could take me to those parties. Men at Onie’s club were always asking to go out with me, and I just needed to find one who I thought could take me to these classy, upscale swing parties.

With Robert Hannibal, I would be content to just continue going to Trapeze or Carousel on weekday nights where there weren’t as many couples and where my odds were better at keeping him to myself.

We left Trapeze and he put me in a cab. He told me that we would need to develop a code so that if I ever felt uncomfortable with someone, I could let him know and he could get me out of the situation. I wish I could tell him that I only want to be with him, and no one else!

But I can’t. I don’t want to lose my privilege of going out with him, even if it’s only to swing clubs where he doesn’t even want to be alone with me. If that is the only way I can see him, so be it.

When I got in the cab, I kept thinking how his wife is the luckiest woman in the world, but as long as I am the second choice, I am the second luckiest woman.

The Other Women Working at Onie’s club – Feb. 2, 2011

I feel kind of guilty because these guys are going to Onie’s club in anticipation of this wild group sex with lots of women who love men and can’t get enough of them. And yet all of us women are paid to be there and to “keep the room moving.”

The other girls who work there all wear lingerie but I just wear the standard white towel that all the guys wear. Onie provides the towels, so I don’t understand why the girls would want to waste wearing their own lingerie for this job.

For one, the girls complain about losing their underwear, and since I don’t wear anything under the towel, I don’t have to worry about losing anything. Also, I feel like lingerie should be worn only for special occasions, for special people. This job is a job.

Most of the other women at this job are not very attractive to me. I think they’re nice and funny, but I’m not attracted to most of them. They’ve all gone down on me, though, and they are quite good.

In fact, one time when the other girls were all around me, touching and kissing me, and the guys were watching as one of the girls went down on me, I moaned a little. Kayla, the older white woman in her mid 40’s, said, “that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a sound out of her!”

Which is true. When I’m having sex I never make a sound. It’s not that I try not to make a sound, but no sound comes out because I don’t feel anything. If the guy is pushing too hard I tell him it hurts, but that’s it.

Even with Robert Hannibal, who I love, I don’t make a sound. But with Robert Hannibal, my heart does race, and I do cling to him. Always, I make love to him. But he still doesn’t get me to come or orgasm. But I don’t need to with him. Just being with him is enough! Robert Hannibal is all I need.

Most of the guys who go to Onie’s tell me I’m the prettiest one there and they say they can’t get over how beautiful and sexy I am. One guy who I ended up going home with because he offered me money, and he wasn’t disgusting (he was young and reasonably cute and Asian and funny and smart), told me when we were at the club that I was a “hot commodity.” He knew we were getting paid (the smarter guys usually figure it out), and he told me I should get paid more than the other girls.

Now, although my whole life I have always been considered cute and/or pretty, and sometimes beautiful, that doesn’t mean I was considered one of the prettiest girls.  I wasn’t.  So, so many of the girls who attended church and school with me were very, very pretty, much prettier than I was.

I really feel like the quantity of pretty girls I’ve gone to church and to school with is astounding.  And I attended many different schools and wards (LDS congregations) because my family moved around so much, but somehow there were always so many pretty girls, my own age and older.

I cannot even count how many girls I had crushes on when I was growing up (usually very painful crushes, and all unrequited), on girls in school and in church.  Over the course of my life, I have had several guys ask me if Mormon girls are always so pretty and the answer I always give them is an emphatic YES!

So I have enough common sense and self-awareness to know that the same holds true today, even as I'm older and in grad school.  If any of these guys who go to Onie's parties went to my church or my school, they would see that I may be pretty, but I am not one of the prettiest ones. There are some absolutely stunning and beautiful and hot girls, especially at my school.  I am not even close to being as good-looking as some of the Indian girls at my school.  They are simply gorgeous.

Plus, outside of Onie’s parties, or any sexual situations, I dress like a schoolmarm, a sensible shoes-wearing librarian-type. When I’m naked I look better, because my dowdy clothes take away from my attractiveness.

But in this situation at Onie’s club, I have the best body and arguably the prettiest face. It’s all relative.  I take it in stride.

Though in my own mind, I think “Gia,” a light-skinned black girl, has the prettiest face. Her features are so petite and feminine while my features are huge and masculine, with my manly lesbian jaw.

Also, if Gia just lost a little weight in her hips and legs and stomach, she would have a better body than me. She’s not fat at all, but she’s had a few kids. I’m probably the only woman working in this capacity at Onie’s club who hasn’t had any kids, so of course I'm going to have the best body. I'm lucky that I have an hourglass shape, but I sure could tone up. Considering I haven't had any children, I should be much more toned.

Gia and I have had a few threesomes together, and I love being with her. The job is so much better when I can be involved with the other women! I think Gia is the best-looking woman at the job, but I’m really most intensely attracted to the twins.

The twins are “Cinnamon” and “Desire,” and they are light-skinned black twin sisters who everyone says look like Tia and Tamara Mowry, the stars of that TV show, “Sister, Sister” (though to me, they are much prettier than Tia and Tamara). I really, really, really like these girls! I have so much fun with them and I am so attracted to them. They are each such sensual lovers. So sensual.

They keep their sexual distance from each other, being that they’re sisters, but as long as I get to be with one or the other of them, I have a great time at work. I really love being with him. I just want to keep kissing them over and over.

I’m closer with Desire but I love them both. Desire calls me her “smart beauty,” – I love that she has a nickname for me. I am so attracted to her – I just cannot get enough of her.

A few weeks ago, the night of January 13 at about 3:30am (technically January 14), the twins and I walked to the subway together after leaving work at Onie’s club. We were discussing who are the best lovers at Onie’s club.

I immediately said, “Robert Hannibal,” and the twins asked if he was the guy who looks like John Legend. Robert Hannibal is so, so, so, so much better looking than John Legend! But yes, I suppose some might say he looks like John Legend, but to me he doesn’t. Robert Hannibal only looks like himself, and he is perfect.

The twins said Robert Hannibal and another guy were the two best lovers at the club, but I insisted that only Robert Hannibal was a good lover. The absolute best. I confessed that I was in love with him, and they asked if Kayla knew, because Kayla was in love with him too.

I told them that Robert Hannibal has taken me to couples-only swing clubs on three different dates, and he’s never taken Kayla anywhere. I told the twins that the night before, in fact, Robert Hannibal had taken me to get a couple’s sensual massage for our fourth date, and I told them how I was jealous of the masseuse.

I told them that even though I knew he was married, I wanted him all to myself when I got to see him. But I knew his wife was first in his life.

As we were in the subway station, we ran into a Jewish guy I had met at a Mormon BBQ. I love seeing people randomly, especially on the subway. He asked where we were heading from and we just said, “a party.”

This conversation reminded me of my hostess dancing job in college, where I couldn’t tell anyone where I actually worked. Why can’t what I do in my part-time job be socially accepted (and legal)?

The twins and I also talked about starting our own business and making more money. Onie, the owner of Onie’s clubs, doesn’t pay us as much as we should get, so we are trying to figure out a way to make more money on our own.

For me, again, this is only temporary – my contract ends March 31, 2011 and then I have to start living like a temple-worthy Mormon. I will miss the easy money I get by having sex with men, I will miss being with women, especially Gia and Cinnamon and Desire, and of course I will miss being with Robert Hannibal most of all!