Mormon Lesbian Version of The Weed: Club Unicorn: June 2012

The Weed: Club Unicorn: In which I come out of the closet on our ten year anniversary

When I read the “Club Unicorn” blog post by the Weed, where he announces that he’s gay but in a happy marriage to his wife, I couldn’t help smiling.  I could completely relate to the post, and, to some extent, I feel like I’m the female version (though there are many differences!) of Josh Weed.  After meeting and falling in love with Robert Hannibal, I knew it was possible to have same-sex attraction (and really, no opposite-sex attraction) but still love, and love being intimate with, a person of the opposite sex. 

This was my response in the comments section of Weed’s blog post:

“I am so glad to have found another person who understands what I've gone through, only a different gender.  All my life I have only been sexually attracted to women and have had zero attraction to men.  But then I fell in love with a man. And I love having sex with him.  However, as much as I enjoy sex with him, I have never orgasmed with him (sorry if that's too graphic) and I still am very, very attracted to women.  I completely agree with your explanation of intimacy and how that makes all the difference.  So thank you for sharing.”

Since then, I’ve read posts by other bloggers 1) questioning Josh Weed’s happy marriage to and love for his wife; 2) warning of the failures of mixed-orientation marriages; 3) asking how Weed can find sexual fulfillment; and 4) wondering how Weed could be true to himself in such a marriage.

I find all these concerns misplaced.  Let me address each one.

1) Is it real love? - Many people who identify as homosexual say that their attraction to those of the same gender is not just about sex – it is about love.  They love someone of the same gender, they have emotional connections with the same gender – their attraction is beyond sex.   A person of the same gender is who they want to spend time with, who they want to be around, who they love.

So if this type of love is true and accepted when someone who identifies as homosexual shares it with another of the same sex, why is this same love not considered true when it is shared by someone who identifies as homosexual for someone of the opposite sex?  Josh Weed shares an emotional and intimate connection, a deep love, with his wife.  How is that not considered real, or true?

2) Mixed orientation marriages - Several factors contribute to a successful or unsuccessful marriage: educational background, culture, race, religion, class status, nationality, temperament, personality, etc.  Some marriages succeed despite the couple being different in nearly every way, some marriages fail despite strong similarities, and vice versa. 

What matters is the couple’s commitment to each other, to the marriage.  The Weed marriage has been going strong for ten years, and Josh and Lolly have each professed and demonstrated their commitment to their marriage.  That commitment is more important than anything else.

3) Regarding sexual fulfillment, I can only use my own experience to understand Josh Weed’s intimacy with his wife. 

I have always thought the female body to be so beautiful, and the male body, even the most idealized male body, to be so ugly.  Simply put, seeing a naked man turns me off, seeing a naked woman turns me on.  And the idea of women being together turns me on so fast. 

In terms of my experience, sexual pleasure for me occurs when I am with women.  Having sex with a man (other than Robert Hannibal) does absolutely nothing for me, but even just being next to a naked women turns me on.  And I can only orgasm by myself when I think of two (or more) women together. 

That being said, sex with Robert Hannibal is the most wonderful sex I’ve ever had, more wonderful even than my sex with women.  This may sound strange, because I can orgasm with women, and of course I love when women bring me to orgasm, but I’ve never orgasmed with Robert Hannibal.  And yet I prefer sex with Robert Hannibal over sex with any women, even my ex-girlfriend, whom I also loved.  If I had to make a choice where I could either only have sex with Robert Hannibal for the rest of my life or only have sex with women, Robert Hannibal would easily win.  It is not even a contest. 

Why is that?  As Josh said in his post, intimacy and connecting with someone you love – that is “sex at its deepest level.”  The chemicals released when I have sex with Robert Hannibal give me far greater pleasure than those released when I orgasm with a woman, no matter how intense the orgasm.  Being intimate with someone I love is the greatest feeling in the world, and that is true sexual fulfillment. 

4) For those who say Josh Weed is not being true to himself - How can someone other than Josh Weed tell Josh Weed he’s not being true to himself?  Isn’t Josh Weed himself the best person to know if he’s being true to himself? 

If Josh Weed is happy, and feels that he is leading a fulfilling life, and loves his wife and wants to be with her, and loves his children, and if Josh Weed feels he is being true to himself, who is anyone else to say otherwise?  How do all these people know what’s best for Josh Weed?  How do they know better than Josh Weed does? 

What about a man whose wife is getting older, and he still loves her, but he also still finds himself attracted to younger women, just as when he was a young man?  Is he being true to himself by staying faithful to his aging wife?  And she him? 

Or consider a man who really loves group sex but falls in love with a woman who only wants a monogamous relationship.  If he gives up group sex to commit himself to her, is he being true to himself? 

To take it to a ridiculous level, what about someone who loves the taste of white sugar, but develops an allergy or an illness and thus can’t have white sugar anymore.  Suppose this person begins eating healthier foods and grows to love the taste of natural sugars found in fruits.  Is this person being true to himself? 

Again, the test to determine if someone is being true to himself is if the person feels happy and fulfilled.  And the best (and really, only) person to make that determination is the person himself.  

Travolta Gay Rumors, Scotty Bowers Book Re: Secret Sex Lives of the Stars and Book Describing Marilyn's Lesbian Affairs

Regarding accusations that John Travolta sexually harassed male masseurs - that is one thing. No one should take advantage of his/her power or influence and harass anyone else, sexually or otherwise.

But all the talk about these accusations proving that Travolta is gay reminds me of the recent book by Scotty Bowers, “Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars” (see NY Times review here and laweekly.com review here). Some of the stars named in the book were predominately “straight” but had same-sex affairs. Bowers himself, who had flings with many of the male stars, married a woman.

Now, is it really so unusual for someone who identifies as “straight” to be attracted to the same sex? Years ago I briefly dated “Lisa,” who worked in the film industry. She told me that literally all the girls on set, basically straight girls, flirted with her and tried to get with her.

I asked Lisa why in the film industry there seems to be so much same-sex action, even among primarily straight people. I mentioned that I never heard of any same-sex flirtation at my job, or in other industries where my other friends worked. Lisa said that, for many people, the entertainment industry represents a fantasy where people can do what they want. They’re not limited to being gay or straight – they can be with whomever they want to be with.

Now, “Full Service” is certainly not the first book or article to say that many stars of yesteryear had same-sex affairs, nor will it be the last. For instance, my major celebrity crush as a teenager, Marilyn Monroe, had at least two lesbian encounters, one with her drama coach and one with Joan Crawford, according to the recently released transcript of tapes she gave her psychologist shortly before her death.

Though to be sure, many books are written expressly to cause controversy and thus gain sales. For instance, celebrity journalist Darwin Porter’s new book, “Marilyn at Rainbow’s End,” claims that Monroe had lesbian flings with Marlene Dietrich, Barbara Stanwyck, the aforementioned Joan Crawford, and the simply luscious Elizabeth Taylor. “The Globe” tabloid writes regarding the rumors in this book: “But in her diary, Liz wrote about a sexual encounter with Marilyn after a June 1961 Frank Sinatra party. ‘Her touch was electric,’ Taylor said. ‘I wanted to see how far the b**** would go. But she had to do all the work.’”

Granted, a “celebrity journalist” and a tabloid are sparking these rumors. Who knows if the stories are really true? I have not read Porter’s book, and cannot verify any of the author’s claims. (But I hope the Elizabeth Taylor rumor is true, as she will always be the celebrity I am most in love with, the most beautiful woman who has ever lived!)

And regarding the Marilyn transcripts, who knows how accurate the transcription is? Though I have to say I don’t see any reason for the tapes to have been transcribed incorrectly. Regardless, I don’t find it outlandish at all that Monroe, who starred in my first sexual dream, could have had many lesbian encounters, and in fact I find it quite believable.

I have not read Bowers’ book either, but from the reviews and interviews with Bowers that I have read, I don’t think the book is a fraud or just a sales ploy. Bowers seems very candid, decent, and genuine in interviews. Besides, I think it perfectly reasonable that celebrities in the past had same-sex affairs. And if stars in the past had same-sex affairs, why not today’s stars?

Further, why would celebrities be any different from everyday, ordinary people? Aren’t we all human? Aren’t we all sexual beings? Don’t straight girls talk about girl crushes and straight men talk about man crushes? What if a straight girl acted on her girl crush? Would that automatically make her a lesbian?

No. Somehow we need to get past the binary world of gay/straight. On Kinsey’s scale, most people, although they may be closer to one end or the other, do not fall completely on one side. I am convinced that most people are some level of bisexual. Freud introduced the concept of innate bisexuality in all humans, and I agree with that. The potential is there for everyone, but individual experiences and behaviors can strengthen certain feelings and lessen other feelings. And not everyone is born with the same degree of bisexuality, let alone acts on such feelings.

To that end, sexuality is even more precisely described as a spectrum, as I first discovered in a post by Shashauna P. Thomas, to which I eagerly responded. Sexuality on a spectrum allows for greater fluidity. And as such, I don’t think John Travolta is completely gay or completely straight. He probably enjoys sex with men but I think he really loves his wife as well. His sexuality, like everyone’s, falls on a spectrum. In fact, I think very few people are completely homosexual. (Though I used to think I was. Until I met Robert Hannibal.)

For me, the larger issues with Travolta concern sexual harassment and adultery. If he did sexually harass others, that is wrong. If the Travolta-Preston marriage is a monogamous one, and these accusations of affairs are true, then he did cheat, and that is wrong.

But if he and his wife are in an open marriage and have a polyamorous relationship and understanding, then he did not cheat. Yet, notwithstanding the openness of the marriage, any harassment is wrong.

Regardless, I am tired of people assuming that because someone has had same-sex affairs it must mean the person is gay. No, it just means the person is a human, a sexual being. Aren’t we all?

Re: DSK Didn’t Know Women at Orgies Were Prostitutes

Dominick-Strauss-Kahn’s claim that he didn’t know that the women at the orgies he attended were prostitutes speaks to the larger issue of some powerful men’s delusions. Does DSK really think that any woman would choose to have sex with an old, pot-bellied man like him? The women were most definitely paid!

As someone who has worked in the sex industry while in college and then this past year while in graduate school, I’ve seen men’s egos and delusions up close. Although both my jobs involved some sort of sexual encounter with men in exchange for money, only the men at my hostess dancing job knew this outright, for they directly paid us. We even called the men our “customers.” They knew we were there for money.

Working at Onie’s parties is a different story. A wide variety of men – all different ages, races, nationalities, and income-class levels – pay to attend Onie’s wild sex party. And what all these men have in common is that they all want sex in a swinger or orgy setting. And we provide it for them. Of course, we are paid to do so.

Now, most of the men think the other women and I are all hard-core swingers and just love sex with men and love attending these orgy parties regularly. They think we just can’t get enough sex.

But many of the men figure out that we women are getting paid. With me, because it is obvious I am not into sex with any of them (now, of course Robert Hannibal, the only man I’ve ever loved, is the exception – I love being with him!), some men will question me.

And since I refuse to go down on a guy or even touch him, many of the men, after recovering from their astonishment that I won’t give blow-jobs or hand-jobs, have asked me if I’m paid. I usually answer evasively, but I don’t change my behavior. I am getting paid to be there and have sex, but I am not getting paid to pretend I enjoy it. I never fake anything.

With the other women, although many of them do enjoy sex with these men, their eagerness tips off some of the guys. In what real-life swing party does a middle-aged women walk up to each man and ask, “Want a blow-job?” I’ve never seen that at any real couples-only swing party.

Although most of the men who attend Onie’s parties think we just like having lots of sex in general, there are a few who are narcissistic and think that women really want to be with them in particular. That they’re really pleasing us and that we’re really fortunate to be with them. These men remind me of DSK, and DSK reminds me of these men.

A man like DSK deludes himself into thinking that women actually find him desirable. I am sure when he encountered the maid in the hotel room he thought he was irresistible to her. He may even have thought how lucky she was that she got to service him.

I do wonder what the hotel maid was thinking. Did she really feel forced to go down on him? Or was she planning to trap him? I may have had sex with over 1,000 different men, but it’s mostly been for money. I can’t imagine anything other than dollars going through her mind. I, however, have never tried to use a man for a lawsuit or take advantage of him. In my job situations, I am there for a job.

I’ve always thought that if men didn’t have power, what on earth could be attractive about them? I don’t know if men like Dominick Strauss-Kahn and the equally (or moreso?) seriously deluded Silvio Berlusconi, with his stupid bunga bunga parties, think that they are attractive to women regardless. Do they really think that women would want to have sex with such old, ugly men? Or do they know that without their power, they hold no attraction?

I hope the latter. But I think their many sexual conquests have made them blind to how unattractive they truly are.

My Response to "In Defense of Cynthia Nixon"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-baim/cynthia-nixon-choice_b_1224241.html

i agree with this. cynthia nixon has a right to express her own feelings. i went through the opposite situation - i only was attracted to women, but then i fell in love with a man.

Still Working at Onie’s Club – written March 5, 2011

Everytime I work at “Onie’s” club I am amazed that this is where I met Robert Hannibal. Who would have thought that my NSA swinger job would lead me to the first man I have ever been attracted to! Especially when I look at all the other men who go to Onie’s – some of the other women who work here with me will point out certain guys that they think are cute or that they want to have sex with and I still don’t understand it. How can anyone like any guy unless the guy is Robert Hannibal?

Not that the guys who go to Onie’s are so bad. It’s just that Robert Hannibal is so amazing. I wish he would go to Onie’s more often, but he has such a busy life with work and his family, that he can’t make it very often.

But I am so glad to have the extra money I make at Onie’s club, and the work is so easy. And I have met many interesting guys here. My goal this whole time has been to find one who will take me to a One Leg Up party – and it looks like I will finally get to go!

“New,” the Indian who lives in New Jersey who wanted me to be his girlfriend and who met me here at Onie’s, early on lost his status as a contender for One Leg Up. About a month ago, he told me he was not really comfortable with group sex, or even with threesomes, so I didn’t bother to tell him about One Leg Up.

But he told me he wants to take me to India in May! I love India and have been fascinated with that country for as long as I can remember. But I don’t feel like New and I have much in common as far as dating goes. Or even conversation! He’s very smart and works in Wall Street, and he speaks English well and he’s tall and nice-looking, I guess, but I get so bored with him. But if I’m in India, who cares if “New” bores me? I will be in India!

However, I was awarded a fellowship that will take me abroad the end of May and beginning of June, and with school getting out mid-May, going to India will be hard for me to pull off in May. But I still keep seeing New because perhaps we can go to India in June or something, or I can fit the trip in between school and the fellowship. We don’t talk about details – he just says he wants to take me to India with him in May and I say, “I’ve always loved India!”

I let New take me out to dinner and to movies and I let him sleep with me. I usually spend the night at his place in New Jersey on the weekends, and since he has such a big bed it is much more comfortable than my little tiny excuse for a bed. Last night, for instance, we saw a movie and I spent the night, and then today he took me to Edison, New Jersey for lunch. He told me he was trying to give me a break from all my studying.

But he doesn’t understand that I love my school! I love being at school. I don’t need a break from it, and definitely not a break with him. We seriously do not have anything to talk about.

And the whole time we were driving to Edison I asked him how far it was, and he said it wasn’t too far, but I didn’t get back to campus until 4pm! I was so annoyed. I had so much I needed to read and wanted to get it done and still make it to [a church friend]’s birthday party tonight.

But I just kept thinking of a trip to India. New knows he is not the only guy I see. I have told New that I am in love with a married guy who I am still seeing. And I still work at Onie’s club, which means I have sex with lots of men. But I am also still interested in going to India! So as long as New continues to be okay with me still seeing Robert Hannibal and working at Onie’s, I’ve got a free trip to India in May!

New hasn’t gone back to Onie’s club, but recently there was a couple there, and so I got involved with both the guy and the girl of the couple. Having a couple with a cute girl always makes the job more endurable. But couples don’t go to Onie’s very often, and they rarely come back if they do.

Also, I met a guy, “Finance News Guy,” this past Tuesday, March 1, who used to work for [News Organization] and now works in finance. Onie specifically introduced me to Finance News Guy, who spent as much time with me as he could, even after he had sex with me, though other guys were with me as well.

Finance News Guy said he would be willing to help me with my career when I graduate. I didn’t exchange contact info with him, but since Onie knows him, I’m sure he’ll be back. Finance News Guy is most certainly married with kids, and looks like a sweet nice man, in his 40’s with light brown hair, who no one would ever suspect of going to a swinger’s club.

I have found that many of the men I have met at Onie’s fit this description, of an atypical attendee at a swinger’s club. Most notably Robert Hannibal!

This same night I met an ex-Mormon, “Ex-Mormon,” and he was really fun to talk to. I even invited him to the LDS Institute class I go to on Wednesday nights, and he actually showed up. He was surprised that I do this work and that I still love the LDS church and consider myself a Mormon – he thought it was such a contradiction.

But I explained to him that I believe everything in our church. It makes so much sense to me. I am sure there is some reason why the law of chastity should be obeyed, and why prostitution is wrong, but I don’t understand why. I told him about my “contract deadline,” how I’m going to give up all this sex work and swinging and premarital sex in general, but that right now I just want to be a part of it.

I also told him that I really only liked women before, but now I’m in love with a man, Robert Hannibal. I said I wanted to eventually have the Mormon temple marriage. But not yet.

When Ex-Mormon showed up at Institute, I introduced him to my friends, and everyone was really friendly to him. Mormons are very friendly people. I didn’t mention that Ex-Mormon used to be Mormon – I didn’t want anyone questioning him. He still hadn’t told me all his reasons for leaving the church.

Ex-Mormon had to leave Institute early, but he wanted to know why I do this NSA sex work. I had previously told him at Onie’s that this type of work is not a big deal to me and doesn’t mean much to me – it’s a great way to earn easy money, but we didn’t have time to talk more than that. And then last night after Institute he had to leave. But we have each other’s contact info so I hope we stay in touch.

Tuesday night was such a great night for meeting so many interesting guys, and most importantly, I was so happy because I met a guy, “Ole,” who has gone to One Leg Up parties before! Ole used to go with his ex-girlfriend, and when they broke up, he tried to enroll for membership but was declined – single men are not allowed to One Leg Up parties. He asked if I wanted to go to the parties with him and of course I said yes! We will have to write an essay and submit pictures but finally, I will be able to attend a One Leg Up party!

Ever since Robert Hannibal first told me about the One Leg Up parties, I was so excited about them. I imagined all these beautiful, elegant women in a fancy house or hotel penthouse with nice food.

Of course, when he first told me about the parties, I thought he and I would be able to go together. That was before I asked him if he was married, and ever since he told me he was married and that he wouldn’t be able to take me to a OLU party, since they are on the weekends, I have been determined to find someone at Onie’s who could take me. Now, with meeting Ole, this goal is finally nearing reality!

Working at Classy Swing Party for Single Men – Feb. 26, 2011 – written March 5, 2011

Last Saturday, on February 26, I worked as a hostess at “Don” and “India’s” party for single men called [“Single Men Swing Party”]. Don and India told me that all the guys who attend their party go through a screening process – they have to submit pictures and write an essay and they also have to submit a picture of their sexual organ. They told me that India chooses the guys with large sexual organs.

As much as I love Robert Hannibal, I would never want to see a picture of his sexual organ, and I still have not touched it. I will never understand why anyone would want to look at the male sex organ, let alone touch it.

But Don and India were trying to tell me that although my job tonight would be to sleep with one or two guys and talk with them and make them feel comfortable, these guys were quality guys, not like the guys at my regular part-time job at “Onie’s” club, where any guy can get in the door (though I met Robert Hannibal at Onie's, in addition to many other quality men - there is just a more egalitarian mix at Onie's and no screening process for attendees).

Don and India don’t quite understand that I really do not like men and do not find men attractive, whether they are “quality” or not. Other than Robert Hannibal, of course.

Earlier that day, I had attended a baptism for a guy who was joining our church. I don’t know him very well, but he seems very nice. After the baptism, I talked with one of my good church friends, “Jenna,” and told her about Robert Hannibal. Jenna knows I’m not worthy to go to the temple or take the Sacrament, and she is someone I trust. She is very open-minded, and not judgmental at all, even moreso than Jane, who had me sign the contract. Jane, actually, can be a little judging, but Jenna has never judged anyone.

Jenna doesn’t know my sexual preference is actually for women (or was, until I met Robert Hannibal), but if I ever wanted to tell one of my female church friends about my same-sex attraction, since none of my female church friends here in New York know, Jenna is the one I would trust. She has a lot of gay male Mormon friends, and she does not judge them at all. Jenna is a truly decent good person.

I told Jenna I was so in love with Robert Hannibal, and that I even have a contract ending soon, which means I need to focus my life on the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but I told her I may want to extend the contract since I’m so in love with Robert Hannibal and want to maximize my time with him. I told her he takes me to swing clubs, and I told her that I would actually be working at a swing party later that night. She did not judge me at all.

When I arrived at the [Single Men Swing Party], “Tattoo” was there also, and so was “Bartender” – so interesting to see the three of us from Onie’s club here at this nice hotel suite – such a different environment from Onie’s venue.

I brought my friend “Persia” with me, because when I told her about working at the classy couples party that Don and India run, she was really intrigued and said she wanted to see it. I had told her before we arrived that she was not getting paid to interact with the guys like I was, so she should not feel obligated to do anything at all. We didn’t know if Don and India would need a coat check girl or not, so we figured Persia could do coat check, but they said they didn’t need coat check, so I told Persia she could just watch.

At the beginning, before the guys arrived, India had all of us women go around the room and say something nice about the person on our right – part of woman affirmation, I guess. Tattoo and I were the only women getting paid to be there to interact with the guys, but I secretly hoped I could slack off and Tattoo and the other women could do most of the work.

When the guys got there, I immediately started chatting them up. I was of two minds – if I could keep talking to the guys all night, I could put off having sex with any of them until the very end. However, if I had sex right away, then I could get it over with. The problem with that is that men usually want it again and want to keep touching you afterwards, and I don’t want to go above and beyond this kind of work. I will let them have sex with me and touch beforehand if that helps to get them hard, but afterwards, I am done and I don’t want to be a part of them at all.

Fortunately, one of the guys there seemed a little nervous but was very nice and intelligent. He was black, relatively tall, a professor at [University], and very smart. We sat on the couch and spent hours literally talking about philosophy. I let Tattoo take care of the other guys, and I sat with this guy and talked. Since for Don and India’s parties I am paid to help the guys feel comfortable, as it is the first time for a lot of them, my talking to this guy was perfectly legit.

His name was “Carl,” and he was very knowledgeable about many subjects, especially philosophy. I told him I’d taken a course on Derrida but did not learn anything about Derrida. I couldn’t understand what Derrida wrote, but I understood his tone, and his tone was very condescending.

I told Carl that Derrida could dish criticism out but couldn’t take it from others. He agreed but also helped explain Derrida in a way my own professor never had. We also talked about Lacan and Deleuze. We exchanged contact information and I wished I could spend the whole night just talking and not have to have sex with him. We were the only ones left in the front room, as everyone else had gone into the bedrooms.

But this was a swing party for single men, for men who did not know Tattoo and I were paid to be there, and so eventually Carl asked if I wanted to go into the one of the bedrooms. I had to say yes, of course.

One of the guys, who told us he was married, was very attracted to my friend Persia. He was kissing her, and I asked her if she was okay. She said she was, but I was concerned.

But I didn’t have much time to be concerned because one of the other men who was there immediately started grabbing and touching me and put me on the bed. While he was having sex with me, Carl and others were watching.

Persia poked her head in the room and told me she was going to leave. I was underneath the guy so I couldn’t get up, but I told her to text me later. I really hoped she was okay.

This guy told me he would get me to orgasm, and I told him no guy has ever gotten me to orgasm, that only women have. So he tried everything and couldn’t, of course. Then Carl had sex with me and then the party was over and all the guys finally left. I told Carl I would email him.

Once Bartender and the coat check girl were gone as well, Don and India sat down and talked with Tattoo and me. They thanked us both for working for them tonight. They said my biggest strength is my conversational ability – that I can talk with anyone about anything, and that is so important for these [Single Men Swing Parties]. These guys need to be able to feel comfortable.

They also told Tattoo and me that we could make more money than we make at Onie’s by doing less work. They said guys will pay to watch girls make out with each other and go down on each other, and since Tattoo and I have already done that with each other quite a few times, we might as well make money off it.

They said another way to make money was to be paid to be the female part of a couple so that a guy can get in to couples-only swing parties and clubs. I thought of how I already have a situation like that, where I’m Robert Hannibal’s female, but since I really like Robert Hannibal, love him, even, I don’t need to get paid by him. Having sex with him is actually payment for me!

Don and India closed with telling us how beautiful and smart we are, and when Don walked me to the subway station, he told me how just looking at me he gets turned on. He hasn’t done anything sexual with either me or Tattoo, probably because he’s paying us and he thinks it would be in bad taste, though we’ve both done stuff with his wife, India.

As I was on the subway, I thought about Don and India's marriage. They have a good marriage, but I thought that if the universe was different and I was somehow married to Robert Hannibal, would I want a swinger’s marriage?

It is so strange that I used to think I could only have an open marriage or a swinger’s marriage, mainly to give me the opportunity to have women, but now that I’ve met Robert Hannibal, my mind has changed. If, in an alternate universe, I was married to Robert Hannibal, I wouldn’t want an open marriage. I would just want him.

My Response to Charles Lane’s Washington Post article on Troy Davis

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan/post/troy-davis-guilty-as-charged/2011/03/04/gIQAh23BoK_blog.html?wpisrc=nl_opinions

After Troy Davis was executed, I was touched at the photos of protesters crying over his death. Yes, we should cry that the death penalty was used in this case. We should cry that our country has used capital punishment so often.

We should cry that Troy Davis is dead. We should mourn for life lost. Most importantly, we should cry for Mark MacPhail, the off-duty police officer who was murdered.

But don’t conflate tears over Troy Davis’ death with crying over a man who was innocent of the crime for which he was convicted.

Save those tears for Cameron Todd Willingham, who was convicted and executed for murdering his children by arson. Before Willingham’s execution, evidence pointed to the fire being accidental, not deliberate. We should cry that then-Texas Governor Rick Perry, when presented with a request to stay the execution in order to review new findings proving innocence, refused the stay and allowed Willingham to die. Cry that Willingham was executed as an innocent man.

In reading Lane’s article (linked above) and others written about the Troy Davis case, I believe Davis was guilty of murder. But he should not have been given the death penalty.

Lane’s article likewise agrees that the death penalty never should have been sought in the Davis case. In fact, I am eager to read Lane’s book “Stay of Execution: Saving the Death Penalty from Itself” – I am still not sure if I think that capital punishment should ever be used, but if it is, it should only be in the “worst of the worst,” as Lane argues (see link to book review here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/22/AR2010102203014.html).

Compare the murder for which Troy Davis was convicted with the horrific triple-murder Steven Hayes was convicted of – and yet both men are sentenced with the death penalty? There is no comparison.

Not that there is good murder or bad murder – every life is precious (even that of a murderer) and every murder is wrong. But when torture is involved – and death by fire is certainly torture – the crime of murder is aggravated. (I was relieved to read that the poor Petit girls died of smoke inhalation and not of the fire itself, as I had originally thought, but the terror those girls went through is unspeakable and the murderers’ evil intent was to burn the girls to death).

I would like us to get away from the idea of using the death penalty as punishment.  The death penalty should only be used to protect society, and to protect other prisoners.  This is why I don't agree with using mental illness as a defense - to me, someone who is not aware of right or wrong is more dangerous than someone who knows what they're doing is wrong.

In deciding the death penalty, judges should ask if the person will be a danger to others, his fellow inmates, the prison guards.  Someone who can kill someone by fire or any other way of torturing someone to death, is capable of the ultimate cruelty and is truly a danger to everyone.

Now, I think Davis was basically a good person who got into trouble and made mistakes, the most grievous being that of killing MacPhail, but Davis was not a monster. He was 20 at the time of the murder, and subsequently spent the latter half of his life in prison (I don’t even have time here to go into how badly our prison system needs to be reformed). I am sure he was not the same man when he was executed that he was the night of the murder – who of us remains his 20-year-old self? Impossible.

Perhaps that is why he claimed innocence – do we not often feel a separation from our younger selves? Often when I think of things I did as a teenager and young adult, I don’t recognize the person who did those things. That person is frequently a stranger to me.

Troy Davis never should have been sentenced to death. Troy Davis should still be alive. But so should Marc MacPhail.

So let’s continue to cry. Cry that we kill each other in legal punishment in order to deter more of us from killing each other. Cry that our fellow human beings murder each other in the first place. Cry and protest over every murder. Be outraged every single time someone is murdered.

Our tears should be relentless. Our tears should never stop.