I Love Fred Willard!

Fred Willard has always been one of my favorites.  I first became a fan while watching the talk show parody “Fernwood 2 Night” (which later changed its title to “America 2-Night”) on Nick at Nite with my brother. 

Martin Mull, who played the host of the fictional late night talk show, was so funny, truly great, but Fred Willard was, if possible, even better.  Perfect.  He was mine and my brother’s favorite part of the already hysterical show.

Fred Willard has shown his amazing comedic talents in everything he’s been in.  He was my favorite part of “A Mighty Wind,” and I loved that entire movie and every song.  I even faithfully watched a show that no one else saw, called “Maybe It’s Me,” simply because Fred Willard played the dad.  He was, of course, hilarious in the role.

Obviously, I’m writing about Fred Willard at this time because he was recently arrested for “engaging in a lewd act” at Tiki Theatre in California.  Now, it is no surprise that people go to Tiki Theatre to watch porn and masturbate.   That is known. 

So why would cops waste their valuable time arresting someone who may have been masturbating at a porn theater?  Don’t they have better things to do, real crimes to investigate? 

Yes, I know that under California Penal Code 647, it is against the law to publicly engage in lewd acts.  Presumably such a law is in place to protect the larger public from being subjected to such a lewd act.  However, is a porn theater really considered a public place where lewd acts would be offensive to those in such a venue?

Anyone who is offended by someone masturbating likely would not go to a theater that shows porn.  Whether Mr. Willard did or did not “engage in a lewd act” at the theater (and given that no one else was arrested, the only lewd act that comes to mind is masturbation), is not important.  He was at a porn theater.  Who cares if he was masturbating?  Isn’t that what people do at porn theaters?  Or should do, at any rate?

Police arresting someone masturbating at a porn theater reminds me of my jobs in the sex industry, where there’s frequently the nervous undercurrent of fear of an undercover cop showing up and busting everyone.

But that should not be a fear.  Voluntary sex work, especially in the controlled indoor venues where I’ve worked, should be legalized.  No one in the public space is affected, for the sex all happens indoors.  

Anyone paying to attend a sex party knows that they are likely to see sex acts performed, and most people expect to actually participate.  They may not realize that we girls are paid to have sex with the party attendees, but it doesn’t matter.  No one is harmed by what goes on at these parties.  There is no reason for me and the other girls to have to worry that we could be arrested merely for having sex for money. 

Likewise, anyone should lawfully be able to freely masturbate in a porn theater. The movies shown in a porn theater would not be shown at your corner AMC theater.  And the customers at a porn theater understand that – they are paying for porn. 

Somehow this country’s laws need to evolve when it comes to matters of sex.

Regardless, Fred Willard, the gifted comedian, will now likely always have this pointless and stupid arrest tied to his name, even if he is later cleared.  Truly, I’m ashamed that he was arrested for something so ridiculous, something that should not even be a crime.  

Robert Hannibal has changed my attitudes – written March 6, 2011 (email to my younger sister)

It’s getting close for me to leave on my class trip to Israel and I am hoping to see Robert Hannibal at least one time before I leave!  I realize he has really changed my attitude about sex, about love, about men. 

I try to explain to my younger sister how my viewpoint has changed, and I try to give her advice on her own struggles.   Just like me, she doesn’t live a conventional Mormon life, but also like me, she believes the LDS Church is true.  So we both struggle, just in different ways.  

This is from the email I sent to my sister tonight (I removed the parts that are personal for her and only included the section that refers to Robert Hannibal, but of course, it’s a long section!):

with robert hannibal, i have realized something similar.  i used to only be able to picture marriage if it was an open marriage, meaning i could date girls on the side and we could have orgies and threesomes.  my relationship with “dan” in the philippines was only that, and i was willing to marry him if i had to because i'd be able to have a marriage in the only way i could possibly picture it.  plus, i thought his kids were gorgeous and so smart and so adorable.  but i could only picture a marriage with me having girls and orgies and threesomes.

but meeting robert hannibal has changed that.  i feel so much more fulfilled when we are alone together. i love sex with him alone more than i like having another girl or other people alone.  i realize that if i had a choice, i would choose to only have sex with robert hannibal for the rest of my life. i would give up women. 

he makes me forget about everyone except for him.  now i know this is possible and now i don't believe in an open marriage anymore. i don't even believe in swinging anymore, though i used to think it was essential for marriages, so that partners could have variety but not be “cheating."  but now i truly believe monogamy is the most fulfilling marriage.  because of robert hannibal.  he is so amazing.

i've never had an orgasm with him, but i enjoy sex so much with him.  if we were married to each other, there would be plenty of time for us to work on that together, but as it is, i really don't feel i need it.  i just love being with him so much.  this is such new thought for me.  never would i have thought this before. 

i really really love him so much. even if we don't go to all the swinging parties, which is what i originally wanted with him, i even more just want to be alone with him.  i get jealous of other girls.  that has never happened to me with a guy before! this is so strange for me to be in love with a man, really and truly!

but of course he's married with two kids and i want him to have a monogamous relationship with his wife - once i'm done. 

i realize that when couples are into swinging and it makes them free, it might make them more free than a couple that is married and doesn't swing but it doesn't make them more free than a couple that is covenant in the temple - i realize that temple sealing and covenant between the couple make the crucial difference.  with that covenant, the marriage is at a higher level.  i realize that is what i want.  if i can just find someone that i can love as much as i love robert hannibal.

so [sister], i am so old and it has taken me this long to come to the realization, and i'm not even ready to fully make the commitment yet to prepare to go to the temple because i still want to be with robert hannibal more and i still want to go to more swinging parties, and i still want to make more money having sex. 

even though i know the swinging parties and the prostitution are not fulfilling, and that even sex with robert hannibal, as wonderful as it is, is not the ultimate fulfillment because it is not sealed in marriage and sealed in the temple, i want to do more of it just to really get it out of my system.  i want a few more months.

so with you, make the goal of where you want to be.  and try for it.  i hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me to realize where you want to be. 

I talk about LDS Temple Marriage because I really believe that will provide the most fulfilling marriage and the sex life I think will be even more spiritual and rewarding than what I currently have with Robert Hannibal.  

Re: DSK Didn’t Know Women at Orgies Were Prostitutes

Dominick-Strauss-Kahn’s claim that he didn’t know that the women at the orgies he attended were prostitutes speaks to the larger issue of some powerful men’s delusions. Does DSK really think that any woman would choose to have sex with an old, pot-bellied man like him? The women were most definitely paid!

As someone who has worked in the sex industry while in college and then this past year while in graduate school, I’ve seen men’s egos and delusions up close. Although both my jobs involved some sort of sexual encounter with men in exchange for money, only the men at my hostess dancing job knew this outright, for they directly paid us. We even called the men our “customers.” They knew we were there for money.

Working at Onie’s parties is a different story. A wide variety of men – all different ages, races, nationalities, and income-class levels – pay to attend Onie’s wild sex party. And what all these men have in common is that they all want sex in a swinger or orgy setting. And we provide it for them. Of course, we are paid to do so.

Now, most of the men think the other women and I are all hard-core swingers and just love sex with men and love attending these orgy parties regularly. They think we just can’t get enough sex.

But many of the men figure out that we women are getting paid. With me, because it is obvious I am not into sex with any of them (now, of course Robert Hannibal, the only man I’ve ever loved, is the exception – I love being with him!), some men will question me.

And since I refuse to go down on a guy or even touch him, many of the men, after recovering from their astonishment that I won’t give blow-jobs or hand-jobs, have asked me if I’m paid. I usually answer evasively, but I don’t change my behavior. I am getting paid to be there and have sex, but I am not getting paid to pretend I enjoy it. I never fake anything.

With the other women, although many of them do enjoy sex with these men, their eagerness tips off some of the guys. In what real-life swing party does a middle-aged women walk up to each man and ask, “Want a blow-job?” I’ve never seen that at any real couples-only swing party.

Although most of the men who attend Onie’s parties think we just like having lots of sex in general, there are a few who are narcissistic and think that women really want to be with them in particular. That they’re really pleasing us and that we’re really fortunate to be with them. These men remind me of DSK, and DSK reminds me of these men.

A man like DSK deludes himself into thinking that women actually find him desirable. I am sure when he encountered the maid in the hotel room he thought he was irresistible to her. He may even have thought how lucky she was that she got to service him.

I do wonder what the hotel maid was thinking. Did she really feel forced to go down on him? Or was she planning to trap him? I may have had sex with over 1,000 different men, but it’s mostly been for money. I can’t imagine anything other than dollars going through her mind. I, however, have never tried to use a man for a lawsuit or take advantage of him. In my job situations, I am there for a job.

I’ve always thought that if men didn’t have power, what on earth could be attractive about them? I don’t know if men like Dominick Strauss-Kahn and the equally (or moreso?) seriously deluded Silvio Berlusconi, with his stupid bunga bunga parties, think that they are attractive to women regardless. Do they really think that women would want to have sex with such old, ugly men? Or do they know that without their power, they hold no attraction?

I hope the latter. But I think their many sexual conquests have made them blind to how unattractive they truly are.

Orgies and World Peace – Part 3

My favorite situation is having several people involved with me at once while I lay down (unless there are hot women – then I like being more active).  These situations have occurred at this club where I recently started working – I get paid to have sex with the guys in “orgy” settings.   Most of the guys don’t know we women are getting paid, and there are only four or five of us women working at a time.  Usually, when I have several people on me at once at this club, it is other men who are on me/in me.  But recently, I had an experience with three other women (who all work at the club with me) and only two men.   That I really enjoyed.

My first few nights of work at this club, I started thinking about orgies and world peace.  Once I was laying down with several men involved with me, some white, some Latin, some black, and two Hasidic Jews.  When one of the black men was inside me, one of the white men said that my skin (I’m white) looked really cool against his dark black skin.  Another white man told one of the other black men that he had heard black men were big, but he had never seen a black man’s [sex organ] before until that night.  There was no jealousy – just acknowledgement.  And no race or cultural barrier – just enjoyment of sex (and me).

I observed that the men were very respectful of each other and of me, never demanding me to do anything I didn’t want to do (though certainly much asking! But they accepted my refusal to do hand-jobs and/or blow-jobs).  The men, concerned that Hasidic Jews were very strict in sexual matters, and attending this club was a chance for them to fully enjoy and release themselves (not sure if that’s true, though), made sure to give the Hasidic Jews plenty of time with my body.  All the guys were getting along so well that I just lay there and thought that this is how the world needs to operate – with respect and understanding.

In my sex work experiences, I usually enjoy my conversations with these men – they’re all very nice people. Many of them are married or have girlfriends, and express to me their frustration that their significant others don’t want a part of this swinging or orgy life.  I think it’s sad – I think their relationship would strengthen if both participated in swinging and group sex.  There wouldn’t be cheating or lying – if the couple swings together, it’s all in the open.

Even we women who work at the club get along – we all know we are there to work and make sure the men leave satisfied, but since we don’t get paid per customer, there is no jealousy.  In fact, we are very supportive of each other, and as I related earlier, the best times are when we are all together sexually.

I actually find our getting paid to have sex with the men analogous to women dating and marrying men for stability and security.  Getting actual cash or a roof over your head is basically the same thing.

Would women stop being jealous of other women if they could enjoy each other sexually?  Yes! I am positive of that.  Orgies provide a perfect opportunity for women to appreciate each other as women.

Both men and women can be sexually pleased in orgies and communicate with other men and women at the same time.  I have not really seen any jealousy – just appreciation and arousal.

On the whole, an orgy is an uplifting experience and brings people closer together.  Although orgies are sexual, those involved are not reduced to sex objects.  On the contrary, personhood is deepened when you commune with others sexually – boundaries are transcended and friendships forged.

I wish orgies and swinging were more accepted, and to go on a slight tangent, that sex work was legal. When I finished college and got involved in sex work, I was ashamed to let anyone know about the true nature of my work, but I was angry that I felt I had to be ashamed – I felt the world needed to catch up with my attitude that if men want to pay for sex, they should be allowed to, as long as the woman is above age and willing, and the woman herself should not be stigmatized.

However, now that I am older and wiser, I would have no problem seeing anyone from the club out in public – I would smile and say hi and ask how he is doing – and really mean it.

When I consider the variety of races and religions of the men I’ve had sex with at these orgies, and how the men all got along, united in a common pursuit of sexual pleasure, I think of the potential for peace, and how easy it could be to achieve.

Despite all our differences (and differences are fine! Differences make us human and don’t need to divide us – we don’t want to be identical robots), we can all learn to value each other and bond with each other if we all join in an orgy together.

Wouldn’t we then regard each other with more kindness, having witnessed each other naked, at our most vulnerable, at our most present, in the height of ecstasy?  Vulnerability is key to openness, to understanding, to empathy, and in an orgy we all see each other at our most vulnerable.

World peace – just an orgy away.