Orgies and World Peace – Part 3

My favorite situation is having several people involved with me at once while I lay down (unless there are hot women – then I like being more active).  These situations have occurred at this club where I recently started working – I get paid to have sex with the guys in “orgy” settings.   Most of the guys don’t know we women are getting paid, and there are only four or five of us women working at a time.  Usually, when I have several people on me at once at this club, it is other men who are on me/in me.  But recently, I had an experience with three other women (who all work at the club with me) and only two men.   That I really enjoyed.

My first few nights of work at this club, I started thinking about orgies and world peace.  Once I was laying down with several men involved with me, some white, some Latin, some black, and two Hasidic Jews.  When one of the black men was inside me, one of the white men said that my skin (I’m white) looked really cool against his dark black skin.  Another white man told one of the other black men that he had heard black men were big, but he had never seen a black man’s [sex organ] before until that night.  There was no jealousy – just acknowledgement.  And no race or cultural barrier – just enjoyment of sex (and me).

I observed that the men were very respectful of each other and of me, never demanding me to do anything I didn’t want to do (though certainly much asking! But they accepted my refusal to do hand-jobs and/or blow-jobs).  The men, concerned that Hasidic Jews were very strict in sexual matters, and attending this club was a chance for them to fully enjoy and release themselves (not sure if that’s true, though), made sure to give the Hasidic Jews plenty of time with my body.  All the guys were getting along so well that I just lay there and thought that this is how the world needs to operate – with respect and understanding.

In my sex work experiences, I usually enjoy my conversations with these men – they’re all very nice people. Many of them are married or have girlfriends, and express to me their frustration that their significant others don’t want a part of this swinging or orgy life.  I think it’s sad – I think their relationship would strengthen if both participated in swinging and group sex.  There wouldn’t be cheating or lying – if the couple swings together, it’s all in the open.

Even we women who work at the club get along – we all know we are there to work and make sure the men leave satisfied, but since we don’t get paid per customer, there is no jealousy.  In fact, we are very supportive of each other, and as I related earlier, the best times are when we are all together sexually.

I actually find our getting paid to have sex with the men analogous to women dating and marrying men for stability and security.  Getting actual cash or a roof over your head is basically the same thing.

Would women stop being jealous of other women if they could enjoy each other sexually?  Yes! I am positive of that.  Orgies provide a perfect opportunity for women to appreciate each other as women.

Both men and women can be sexually pleased in orgies and communicate with other men and women at the same time.  I have not really seen any jealousy – just appreciation and arousal.

On the whole, an orgy is an uplifting experience and brings people closer together.  Although orgies are sexual, those involved are not reduced to sex objects.  On the contrary, personhood is deepened when you commune with others sexually – boundaries are transcended and friendships forged.

I wish orgies and swinging were more accepted, and to go on a slight tangent, that sex work was legal. When I finished college and got involved in sex work, I was ashamed to let anyone know about the true nature of my work, but I was angry that I felt I had to be ashamed – I felt the world needed to catch up with my attitude that if men want to pay for sex, they should be allowed to, as long as the woman is above age and willing, and the woman herself should not be stigmatized.

However, now that I am older and wiser, I would have no problem seeing anyone from the club out in public – I would smile and say hi and ask how he is doing – and really mean it.

When I consider the variety of races and religions of the men I’ve had sex with at these orgies, and how the men all got along, united in a common pursuit of sexual pleasure, I think of the potential for peace, and how easy it could be to achieve.

Despite all our differences (and differences are fine! Differences make us human and don’t need to divide us – we don’t want to be identical robots), we can all learn to value each other and bond with each other if we all join in an orgy together.

Wouldn’t we then regard each other with more kindness, having witnessed each other naked, at our most vulnerable, at our most present, in the height of ecstasy?  Vulnerability is key to openness, to understanding, to empathy, and in an orgy we all see each other at our most vulnerable.

World peace – just an orgy away.

Orgies and World Peace – Part 2

Continuing with the theme of orgies and world peace, I will relate a few of the many positive aspects of structured orgies. 

The structured orgies I have participated in have been at sex parties or swing clubs.  I use the term orgy loosely here – with the spontaneous orgies, we had a large group of people all on one bed, usually several people all involved at once with only a few watching.  Structured orgies (in my experience) involve fewer people, and often not more than eight people are all involved at once.  Many more watch.

However, the structured orgies at both swing clubs and private sex parties have rules.  Ask before you touch.  No means no.  Respect others at all times.  At the clubs and parties I’ve gone to, people follow the rules and everyone has a good time.  Also, swing clubs and parties require payment, so there is a certain value or exchange expected.  Most people leave satisfied, I think, though I only left satisfied if I got to have a chance with at least one other woman.

In these clubs and parties, there are rooms designated for couples only, for watching, and some private rooms where you can lock the door.  Most have big open spaces where everyone can be together, but I’ve only seen true orgies (in my opinion) at parties where there is a literal orgy room with dozens of people and everyone could be and was involved with everyone. 

These clubs and parties are great because every room is designated for something different, so you know what to do and you know what is expected.  People (usually couples) walk around in towels (naked underneath) and go to different rooms or open spaces, depending on what they want at the time. Each party/club is different and has its own vibe, but I appreciate having a variety of different experiences.  

Plus, there is a certain bonding you do with other people when you are in towels or naked.  Any cultural or social barrier is removed and you can all interact in open and fresh ways.  People from all walks of life that you might never have met otherwise go to these clubs.  

I used to think the gym was the great equalizer – everyone’s sweaty, everyone’s trying to get fit/strong, everyone’s trying to improve their health/body, and no one looks good.

But now I realize an orgy is the true great equalizer.  When all are naked, class distinctions disappear. We’re all vulnerable in our nakedness.

Although looks and age are still obvious in an orgy, and even though not everyone is going to find everyone else attractive, there is a certain camaraderie that develops with others in an orgy, whether or not you have sex with them.  We’re all there to relax and have fun. An orgy is quite literally a shared experience.

I have seen young couples, middle-aged couples, and very old couples at these swing parties - there’s no age limit to wanting sexual adventure and satisfaction.  Old couples still want to have a healthy and exciting sex life.

Many of these private parties become a sort of family (though not for me – I haven’t gone to enough consistently to be part of any swinging family) and the people I’ve met at these clubs and parties are some of the kindest people I have ever met in my life.  Although I consider the people at my church to be kind, some of them can be judgmental.  At these clubs and parties there is no judgment, as long as you respect others’ boundaries. 

Bottom line, I think the rules aspect of all these places is very favorable.  Having guidelines allows for everyone to be mindful of others.  Everyone can have a good time and no one does anything they don’t want to do.  Everyone is treated with respect.  Such respect for others, and seeing others not as strangers but as potential friends with social and cultural barriers removed, and thus joining together most intimately, will pave the way for world peace.

Orgies and World Peace - Part 1

Orgies could help bring about world peace. In an orgy, everyone is the same – naked. Everyone is sharing the same bed. Everyone is vulnerable. If everyone could just get in bed naked together, we could all love and appreciate each other.

Now, my different experiences in orgy situations lead me to believe that some fundamental rules of respect are important. There is a difference between spontaneous orgies and structured orgies. Spontaneous orgies may be more exciting due to the impulsive nature, but also less respectful. I will relay two encounters in two different spontaneous orgies that could have been avoided had certain rules of respect been given beforehand.

I briefly dated someone I’ll call “Dan,” and lived with him in the Philippines. Dan was nice but the only thing we had in common was that we both liked group sex. The first orgy we had together was after he and a group of his friends came over for drinking and karaoke. I had a big crush on one of the girls, Cecil, and told Dan so. Cecil was upset because several of the guys were dancing disrespectfully with her. So I comforted Cecil, and she and I went to the bedroom together, and I loved being alone with her. She couldn’t speak English but we had a wonderful time together, albeit too short, as we were eventually joined by the rest of the guys (the other girls must have left).

During the course of the night, one of the guys, “Rick,” slapped Cecil twice on the face. I reached over and punched Rick and told him not to do that. He apologized. Later, Rick explained that he saw Cecil in a servitude role because she was dark-skinned and from the provinces. Had there been rules upfront about treating each person with respect, Rick wouldn’t have slapped Cecil and I wouldn’t have punched him.

In another orgy, Rick was climbing over other guys and standing over my face, begging me to go down on him while I lay down with another guy going down on me. I kept telling Rick no because I don’t like going down on guys, and he knew it, but he kept begging. Rick got so excited that he came right on my face. I was so angry I got up and punched him in the nose, giving him a bad bruise. Two of my personal rules are: 1) I don’t go down on guys, and 2) I don’t like anyone to come anywhere on my body, especially not on my face. Never on my face!!! Again, rules upfront would have made a difference, and I wouldn’t have punched Rick twice in two different orgies.

That being said, I enjoy the impetuous and “anything goes” nature of spontaneous orgies and wish more people were open to them.

In response to “Open Thread: Self-Identification and the importance of labels.” (http://raspberrymousse.net/site/?p=2493) - Nov. 5, 2010

Because sexuality is so personal, I don't think anyone has a right to say that people should not label themselves as gay or lesbian if they have had opposite-sex relationships in the past.  If Cynthia Nixon and Ricky Martin want to identify as gay, let them.  Identity is how you perceive yourself.  We do not know enough scientifically to say definitively that someone is 100% gay, straight, or even bisexual.  But if someone identifies as a certain way, why stop them?  Likewise, why get upset if someone eschews labels altogether?  Your sexual identity is your sexual identity, and if you do or don't want to be identified as gay, straight, bisexual, or other, then that is your prerogative. 

Sexuality is not like race - it is not fixed from the moment we are born.  Our race is, certainly.  But other things about us can change.  Our hair color, even eye color, in some cases, can change, as can our body size, etc.  A person may be tall as a child but short as an adult.  A person may be fat as a child but thin as an adult.  A person may be an outgoing child but a shy adult.  Traits sometimes change, and sometimes they just intensify.  Sexuality is the same way. 

So however someone wants to identify himself, or not identify himself, is fine with me. I certainly don't want someone defining who I am for me.  I used to think I was a lesbian, and then I thought I more logically should identify as bisexual, given my behaviors.  But now I don't identify as either.  I have only loved women and have only been attracted to women, but I have slept with more men than women. More than that, I want to love and be attracted to a man. So don't label me at all.

Dream about John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono Oct. 10 2010

Oct. 10, 2010

With it being John Lennon’s 70^th birthday, I had read an interview with Yoko Ono the day before.  In my dream, I was talking with Paul McCartney, who told me he was going to write a book about the Beatles, and he was going to call it “Help! I Need Somebody.” I thought it was nice that he would use a John song for the title, and he said he either knew John but didn’t know the Beatles, or he knew the Beatles but didn’t know John.  I didn’t understand and didn’t know why it had to be an either/or.  Then I suggested Yoko Ono could help write the book, but then I said it might not be balanced because she was too close to John.  Yoko chimed in at this point and agreed.  Weird dream.

Subway Encounter with Another Older Man Sept. 2010

Recently I was getting off the subway and about to exit the turnstile when this man called out to me and ran up behind me.  I thought I had left something on the subway and thought it was very nice of him to come after me like that.  He was tall, black, probably in his 50’s.  I couldn’t hear what he was saying because I had my music in, so I paused the song and asked him to repeat. 

He said he thought I was cute and he had gotten off the subway so he could get my number.  I asked him if that was the only reason he had gotten off the subway and he said, yes, for he still had to get downtown.  I told him I don’t give my number out to strangers, and I forgot that I had met someone on the subway about a year and a half ago, and we ended up dating.  Though it didn’t last – that was right after my religious turnaround and I wouldn’t sleep with him and I didn’t really know what I wanted.  With this guy, he seemed nice so I took his number but I knew I wouldn't really call him.  And I haven’t. 

Now, I relate these stories not to show how desirable and attractive I am.   Considering how often I am on the subway, these are very low statistics.  I know people who get hit on almost everyday.  I am pretty, but dress very plain and don’t feel the need to deliberately try to draw attention to myself.   

But I share these stories because I think it’s worthwhile that I at least took their numbers.  I am definitely not anti-man.  I really hope someday I can fall in love with a man and live a normal life and totally forget about women.  If women really can fall in love with men, that is, and it’s not some fantasy that has been fed to us.

But at the same time, I’m wondering if a girl will ever hit on me on the subway?  I am on the subway all the time and I have seen so many pretty girls.   But I really want to see what other women see in men.  Or do they really see anything? Isn’t it society-dictated?  That’s my theory.  But I’m too afraid to test it out and ask my friends. 

A dream about the Steven Hayes murder trial

A dream about the Steven Hayes murder trial

Wednesday, Oct. 6, 2010

I am so bothered by this murder by Steven Hayes and his accomplice.  I try not to write out what they did because words are powerful and etch graphic images into my mind.  My mind can’t handle it.  I went through so much crying after reading those words that I can’t bear to write them myself. 

Last night I had a dream that his accomplice was talking to me and he was telling me he wasn’t going to go to trial for another year.  I told him he had better not do what he did to those poor girls to anyone else during that time (I don’t know why he wasn’t in jail, nor do I know why we were at a house together, with other people around as well).  He said he wouldn’t.  We actually had a conversation but I don’t remember what it was about. 

It is very hard for me to read the news when something horrible has happened to someone.  It is bad enough if someone dies a horrible death due to nature or some accident, but when it’s caused by another human, I can’t handle it. 

Many years ago, after the OJ Simpson trial, I had a dream about Nicole, and somehow I was talking with her after she died.  What bothers me the most is the terror anyone must feel as their life is about to end.  Why would anyone want to make anyone else feel that way?  I really can’t comprehend it.