Orgies and World Peace – Part 2

Continuing with the theme of orgies and world peace, I will relate a few of the many positive aspects of structured orgies. 

The structured orgies I have participated in have been at sex parties or swing clubs.  I use the term orgy loosely here – with the spontaneous orgies, we had a large group of people all on one bed, usually several people all involved at once with only a few watching.  Structured orgies (in my experience) involve fewer people, and often not more than eight people are all involved at once.  Many more watch.

However, the structured orgies at both swing clubs and private sex parties have rules.  Ask before you touch.  No means no.  Respect others at all times.  At the clubs and parties I’ve gone to, people follow the rules and everyone has a good time.  Also, swing clubs and parties require payment, so there is a certain value or exchange expected.  Most people leave satisfied, I think, though I only left satisfied if I got to have a chance with at least one other woman.

In these clubs and parties, there are rooms designated for couples only, for watching, and some private rooms where you can lock the door.  Most have big open spaces where everyone can be together, but I’ve only seen true orgies (in my opinion) at parties where there is a literal orgy room with dozens of people and everyone could be and was involved with everyone. 

These clubs and parties are great because every room is designated for something different, so you know what to do and you know what is expected.  People (usually couples) walk around in towels (naked underneath) and go to different rooms or open spaces, depending on what they want at the time. Each party/club is different and has its own vibe, but I appreciate having a variety of different experiences.  

Plus, there is a certain bonding you do with other people when you are in towels or naked.  Any cultural or social barrier is removed and you can all interact in open and fresh ways.  People from all walks of life that you might never have met otherwise go to these clubs.  

I used to think the gym was the great equalizer – everyone’s sweaty, everyone’s trying to get fit/strong, everyone’s trying to improve their health/body, and no one looks good.

But now I realize an orgy is the true great equalizer.  When all are naked, class distinctions disappear. We’re all vulnerable in our nakedness.

Although looks and age are still obvious in an orgy, and even though not everyone is going to find everyone else attractive, there is a certain camaraderie that develops with others in an orgy, whether or not you have sex with them.  We’re all there to relax and have fun. An orgy is quite literally a shared experience.

I have seen young couples, middle-aged couples, and very old couples at these swing parties - there’s no age limit to wanting sexual adventure and satisfaction.  Old couples still want to have a healthy and exciting sex life.

Many of these private parties become a sort of family (though not for me – I haven’t gone to enough consistently to be part of any swinging family) and the people I’ve met at these clubs and parties are some of the kindest people I have ever met in my life.  Although I consider the people at my church to be kind, some of them can be judgmental.  At these clubs and parties there is no judgment, as long as you respect others’ boundaries. 

Bottom line, I think the rules aspect of all these places is very favorable.  Having guidelines allows for everyone to be mindful of others.  Everyone can have a good time and no one does anything they don’t want to do.  Everyone is treated with respect.  Such respect for others, and seeing others not as strangers but as potential friends with social and cultural barriers removed, and thus joining together most intimately, will pave the way for world peace.

Orgies and World Peace - Part 1

Orgies could help bring about world peace. In an orgy, everyone is the same – naked. Everyone is sharing the same bed. Everyone is vulnerable. If everyone could just get in bed naked together, we could all love and appreciate each other.

Now, my different experiences in orgy situations lead me to believe that some fundamental rules of respect are important. There is a difference between spontaneous orgies and structured orgies. Spontaneous orgies may be more exciting due to the impulsive nature, but also less respectful. I will relay two encounters in two different spontaneous orgies that could have been avoided had certain rules of respect been given beforehand.

I briefly dated someone I’ll call “Dan,” and lived with him in the Philippines. Dan was nice but the only thing we had in common was that we both liked group sex. The first orgy we had together was after he and a group of his friends came over for drinking and karaoke. I had a big crush on one of the girls, Cecil, and told Dan so. Cecil was upset because several of the guys were dancing disrespectfully with her. So I comforted Cecil, and she and I went to the bedroom together, and I loved being alone with her. She couldn’t speak English but we had a wonderful time together, albeit too short, as we were eventually joined by the rest of the guys (the other girls must have left).

During the course of the night, one of the guys, “Rick,” slapped Cecil twice on the face. I reached over and punched Rick and told him not to do that. He apologized. Later, Rick explained that he saw Cecil in a servitude role because she was dark-skinned and from the provinces. Had there been rules upfront about treating each person with respect, Rick wouldn’t have slapped Cecil and I wouldn’t have punched him.

In another orgy, Rick was climbing over other guys and standing over my face, begging me to go down on him while I lay down with another guy going down on me. I kept telling Rick no because I don’t like going down on guys, and he knew it, but he kept begging. Rick got so excited that he came right on my face. I was so angry I got up and punched him in the nose, giving him a bad bruise. Two of my personal rules are: 1) I don’t go down on guys, and 2) I don’t like anyone to come anywhere on my body, especially not on my face. Never on my face!!! Again, rules upfront would have made a difference, and I wouldn’t have punched Rick twice in two different orgies.

That being said, I enjoy the impetuous and “anything goes” nature of spontaneous orgies and wish more people were open to them.

In response to “Open Thread: Self-Identification and the importance of labels.” (http://raspberrymousse.net/site/?p=2493) - Nov. 5, 2010

Because sexuality is so personal, I don't think anyone has a right to say that people should not label themselves as gay or lesbian if they have had opposite-sex relationships in the past.  If Cynthia Nixon and Ricky Martin want to identify as gay, let them.  Identity is how you perceive yourself.  We do not know enough scientifically to say definitively that someone is 100% gay, straight, or even bisexual.  But if someone identifies as a certain way, why stop them?  Likewise, why get upset if someone eschews labels altogether?  Your sexual identity is your sexual identity, and if you do or don't want to be identified as gay, straight, bisexual, or other, then that is your prerogative. 

Sexuality is not like race - it is not fixed from the moment we are born.  Our race is, certainly.  But other things about us can change.  Our hair color, even eye color, in some cases, can change, as can our body size, etc.  A person may be tall as a child but short as an adult.  A person may be fat as a child but thin as an adult.  A person may be an outgoing child but a shy adult.  Traits sometimes change, and sometimes they just intensify.  Sexuality is the same way. 

So however someone wants to identify himself, or not identify himself, is fine with me. I certainly don't want someone defining who I am for me.  I used to think I was a lesbian, and then I thought I more logically should identify as bisexual, given my behaviors.  But now I don't identify as either.  I have only loved women and have only been attracted to women, but I have slept with more men than women. More than that, I want to love and be attracted to a man. So don't label me at all.

Dream about John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono Oct. 10 2010

Oct. 10, 2010

With it being John Lennon’s 70^th birthday, I had read an interview with Yoko Ono the day before.  In my dream, I was talking with Paul McCartney, who told me he was going to write a book about the Beatles, and he was going to call it “Help! I Need Somebody.” I thought it was nice that he would use a John song for the title, and he said he either knew John but didn’t know the Beatles, or he knew the Beatles but didn’t know John.  I didn’t understand and didn’t know why it had to be an either/or.  Then I suggested Yoko Ono could help write the book, but then I said it might not be balanced because she was too close to John.  Yoko chimed in at this point and agreed.  Weird dream.

Subway Encounter with Another Older Man Sept. 2010

Recently I was getting off the subway and about to exit the turnstile when this man called out to me and ran up behind me.  I thought I had left something on the subway and thought it was very nice of him to come after me like that.  He was tall, black, probably in his 50’s.  I couldn’t hear what he was saying because I had my music in, so I paused the song and asked him to repeat. 

He said he thought I was cute and he had gotten off the subway so he could get my number.  I asked him if that was the only reason he had gotten off the subway and he said, yes, for he still had to get downtown.  I told him I don’t give my number out to strangers, and I forgot that I had met someone on the subway about a year and a half ago, and we ended up dating.  Though it didn’t last – that was right after my religious turnaround and I wouldn’t sleep with him and I didn’t really know what I wanted.  With this guy, he seemed nice so I took his number but I knew I wouldn't really call him.  And I haven’t. 

Now, I relate these stories not to show how desirable and attractive I am.   Considering how often I am on the subway, these are very low statistics.  I know people who get hit on almost everyday.  I am pretty, but dress very plain and don’t feel the need to deliberately try to draw attention to myself.   

But I share these stories because I think it’s worthwhile that I at least took their numbers.  I am definitely not anti-man.  I really hope someday I can fall in love with a man and live a normal life and totally forget about women.  If women really can fall in love with men, that is, and it’s not some fantasy that has been fed to us.

But at the same time, I’m wondering if a girl will ever hit on me on the subway?  I am on the subway all the time and I have seen so many pretty girls.   But I really want to see what other women see in men.  Or do they really see anything? Isn’t it society-dictated?  That’s my theory.  But I’m too afraid to test it out and ask my friends. 

A dream about the Steven Hayes murder trial

A dream about the Steven Hayes murder trial

Wednesday, Oct. 6, 2010

I am so bothered by this murder by Steven Hayes and his accomplice.  I try not to write out what they did because words are powerful and etch graphic images into my mind.  My mind can’t handle it.  I went through so much crying after reading those words that I can’t bear to write them myself. 

Last night I had a dream that his accomplice was talking to me and he was telling me he wasn’t going to go to trial for another year.  I told him he had better not do what he did to those poor girls to anyone else during that time (I don’t know why he wasn’t in jail, nor do I know why we were at a house together, with other people around as well).  He said he wouldn’t.  We actually had a conversation but I don’t remember what it was about. 

It is very hard for me to read the news when something horrible has happened to someone.  It is bad enough if someone dies a horrible death due to nature or some accident, but when it’s caused by another human, I can’t handle it. 

Many years ago, after the OJ Simpson trial, I had a dream about Nicole, and somehow I was talking with her after she died.  What bothers me the most is the terror anyone must feel as their life is about to end.  Why would anyone want to make anyone else feel that way?  I really can’t comprehend it. 

Murder Trial of Steven Hayes

Monday, Oct. 4, 2010

Trial of Steven Hayes in Connecticut Home Invasion and Murder
When I first read about these indescribable (for me) murders, I cried non-stop. Everytime I had a spare moment in my thoughts, I thought about the poor girls he killed. I thought of their terror. No one should die like that. I have sleeping problems as it is, but this horrible murder upset me so much that my sleep was even further disrupted. All I could think about was those poor girls and what they must have been feeling.
I am against the death penalty, but what is justice in this instance? Cruel and unusual punishment would be to kill Steven Hayes and his accomplice in the same way they killed those girls. I don’t want anyone to suffer like that.
I am very disturbed at the mindset of these men. When I read that one of their texts said he “was chomping at the bit” to do this, I cried even more. I don’t understand that mindset. Pure evil. Even the barbaric part of my brain, although it is willing to mete out punishment, it does not relish pain for anyone.
Several years ago, I read an article about a woman who was killed by a man and his step-son in a similar manner. I cried for days about that. The barbaric part of me wanted the men to experience some of that poor woman’s pain, even if just a hand, or an entire arm. I was so angry that anyone could do anything like that to anyone else. No one should have to suffer that. It’s the worst way to die.
With these two men, the barbaric part of me feels the same. But mostly I don’t think about the men. I think about those two daughters. I am so sad for them. I wish somehow they could have felt no pain, that somehow they could have died before any pain hit them – I wish this wish could come true.
But the bottom line is I don’t want anyone to suffer pain. Although I do have a barbaric part of me, it is very small. It is getting smaller each year. But it’s still there, unfortunately. Yet the part of me that doesn’t want anyone to suffer pain is the largest part of me. I don’t even like watching movies where the villain suffers a horrible death. I hate when the audience cheers. No one deserves a horrible death.
I don’t know what kind of justice can be done to these men. I don’t want them to do to anyone else what they did to those daughters. But I don’t want anyone to do that to them either.